After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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