HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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