Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
