the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
