i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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