She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
