youre lurking in front of me
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
