I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
