I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
