I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
