I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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