I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
