"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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