You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize