Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
