so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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