They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
