maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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