Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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