My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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