if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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