The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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