I'll bet she douches with gravy.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
