are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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