I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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