I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
