she woke up with a sticky ear
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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