the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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