I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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