looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
