wakey wakey hands off snakey
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
