Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
