dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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