You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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