i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
