You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
