My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
