I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
