$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
How naked do you want me to be?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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