Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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