Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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