I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
