he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
