I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
