i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
