somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
