I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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