At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
