Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
