Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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