You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
