You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
