We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Come on in and take your pants off
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