I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize