The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
well, you know. whores of a feather.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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