just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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