i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
