My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
