I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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