Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
