Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
