her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
