I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
