Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
