So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
