she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
