is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
