Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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