The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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