No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
from now on my penis is your penis
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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