I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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