Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
