whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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