So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
