even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
