Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Moan for me like Helen Keller
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
