it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
