i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
