hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
