my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
