Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
