his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Houston, we have a blender
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
