somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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