and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
