is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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