In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
