textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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