I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I know her cup size but not her name....
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
