it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize