Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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