It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
