You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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